Just got home from school earlier. Cos I skipped one station for NAPFA and that means I will fail even if I got 5 for other stations. What really got me so sad was I left the pullup bar to hide(Yes, I'm a coward) and when I returned to the same spot, they had all left for ShutterRun and they have all taken their bags with them leaving mine open to thieves. I was damn sad but I expected it. The reason why I didn't want to do pullups infront of the whole class is because I have offended many of them in the past. And when I tried to pullup when I was alone, I did 4. Which is more then my usual. I was guilty of making them embarassed and insulting them. So I "mei lian" face them. I'm afraid of all the criticism they were gonna make. Maybe that' karma. But maybe I was thinking too much. True friends would look for their friends and encourage them to do something they fear. Not leave them behind and let them get all alone and sad. True friends are suppose to go through thick and thin with us and not leave them because of trival matters which they quarrel about. And apparently I have no real friends because they don't do any of these for me. I helped them when they needed help, I would take their bags for them when they need to go somewhere. I would console them when they are down. Although I do joke about them, I don't mean harm. Maybe my words hurt them and I'm not wary of that. Today is the first day and I failed. I said I was gonna keep my mouth shut and I didn't do it. Maybe after today, I may never speak in school again. I might get hated and all but I am doing it because everyone hate me when I speak. But if they hate me even if I don't speak, then the problem lies within them. I'm gonna be emo and all, and I don't wanna care a thing my classmates say. Because I'm hurt deep in my heart already. What's done is done. And I have witness how important I am to my friends. Thanks for nothing everyone. Lastly, I wanna APOLOGISE TO ALL THOSE WHOM I'VE INSULTED OR MAKE THEM ANGRY AND SORRY FOR BEING SUCH A JERK. I ASSURE YOU, YOU WON'T NOTICE ME IN SCHOOL ANYMORE. SORRY
These videos below are what I'm going through now. Smile in my sleep because that's when I dream of good things that will never happen in my life. And Karma is what I'm experiencing now. I'm getting what I deserved. And I'm giving up hopes of finding a true friend.