I've never had this feeling since .... a few years back when i was really feeling how i'm feeling now. The thoughts of accompanying .. to somewhere hinders me every now and then. But I should know where I stand exactly. Last I suppose would be kind enough. Cos I am damn fucking pessimistic about myself. Wonder who would give a damn to what I care or think. Sometimes I really question myself, "Am I important to anyone?" Well, not my parents of cos. Maybe they do care? But they are with me all the time, so the feeling fades. But the fact that no one would take the first step to approach me for anything except for money. Cos they have other people to confide in. I stand in no one's heart. I really think I have changed a whole lot compared to the "Eamon" I was in Sec1. Listening to emo song and waiting. If waiting endlessly is what I'm suppose to do. I would be glad to do it. But when I feel like there's a glimmer of hope, I really wanna try to go for it. But I know there wouldn't be any outcome cos I wouldn't dare to make the approach. Self-inflicted pain may sometimes feel good when I'm down and no one really knows it cos they don't ask me or take a second look at my fucked up face or listen to my cheebye voice. -.- Maybe I will learn to be humble and crawl while everyone runs along. Hopefully this will help me gain back some confidence I once had.