Planet L

I found myself, after so many years. I finally know what I'm like, but I'm pretty sure not everybody can accept it. If I really want to change, then I'll have to take this path. Let's see what life has instore for me as I change my way of living, and my social circle becomes smaller and I'll return back to Planet L where everything is quiet and . . . .

Been well.

Life's been good. Not much things to think about. But have been really hectic this week. Projects to rush and trainings CANNOT clash. This semester's results are pretty pleasing too. Only failed one quiz, which is awesome! Overall module won't affect much anyways! Looking forward to holidays, which will be filled with trainings, trainings and more trainings. Itouch is my second blog. Have been typing out my feelings in there, better than typing here and letting people mock. Thinking about locking my blog, but Amanda Chen wants to read it, and she's a been a really good friend to me. So I shall be nice and not lock it. More updates after term test. Maybe copy paste from iTouch?

Reality

Reality is, I have low self esteem. Reality is, I've been trying to build a wall between me and the eyes of the public. Reality is, the walls have been broken down too many times before. And I don't have much stamina to keep up with the pace they are broken down and rebuilding them. Thing is, I always feel lousy. Thing is, I wanna let my emotions go, let them flow. Seriously man.. Fuck this, fuck that. I don't give a fuck anymore. Fuck you if you don't like me, fuck you if you judge me, and fuck you if you're just one of them.

"When reality hits you, it hits you hard. It don't give no chance to retaliate, when it hit you right on the head."

Once again, thank you for teaching me that valuable lesson, that friends are the one to look out for.

I'm glad, I'm not my dad.

My mom's sick. She have not been feeling well for the past 3 days. And my dad is not doing anything nice. Well, expected.. But he's not being a man. He's not being a dad, nor is he being a husband. He's being a dude. What we can see is that he goes out to drink till night time, comes home drunk, spouts nonsense and just adds more burden to my mom. I don't understand how he changed from someone whom I used to look up to, to becoming someone.... Just someone in my life. We're really disappointed in him. But thing is, we can't hide from the fact that he works his ass off every single day. Carrying freaking heavy shit loads of goods up and down so many freaking times, at his age. He's still a bull, even at his age. For that, we respect him. So many thigns to say to you, but don't know where to start. You never gave us a chance to express ourselves to you, I'm sorry if you feel left out in the family. But we, really do care.

Mirror

I hate seeing myself on webcam. Don't ask why, but I get demoralised when I see myself on webcam.
Everyone around me seem pretty confident of how they look, but not me. I have never been confident of my looks, have yet to be confident and don't think I will be confident of myself in the near future. A boy once said "I hate my mom for giving birth to me with this disease, but I love her for taking care of me for my whole life." So I say, I hate my mom for giving birth to me with the looks I carry, but I love her for giving me confidence of how I look. I blame myself for looking like this. Ever since I was young, I've always hated a part of me. No moood mannnn

Standing in other people's shoes.

I know you've done many many things for my family. You've taken care of me since I was young and treated me like your own ever since. But I don't know if all of that can be an excuse to make me forgive you everytime you make my mom cry. My mother is my world, no one can take her away from me. I don't necessarily forgive my dad when he shatters my mom's heart everytime he do something foolish. But I will try to close one eye when you make my mom cry. I don't know how much more I can take before I choose to not forgive you.
Mom told us to try and stand in her shoes and try to see things in her perspective. I can, but not everyone can. I just hope you will change, I wish that everyone can change to be a better person.

Sometimes I really wish people would listen to advices and not be stubborn. Life is short, make the change before it's too late.