Last Christmas, I lived it alone. And the very next year, the same thing still rolls. I've been celebrating Christmas at home for 17 fucking years. No fucking dinner, no fucking presents.. Maybe a few presents from sis and mom.
This year still suck as hard as all the previous ones. Plans were cancelled one after another. Ended up having dinner at Coffee Club over at Whitesands with family. Tomorrow's Christmas. Not looking forward to it.
Life sucks. Uh huh. Life sucks to da max.
Friday, December 25, 2009
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Christmas Eve
I'm feeling rather low. No plans for later on. It's 6am now. Just finished eating noodles.
Can you teach me how to fall in love. I'm afraid to fall in love, only to fall flat on my face. I don't want to have these one sided things that last a couple of days, weeks tops.
I'm tired of all this. Maybe I should lay back and watch things unfold. Take things a step at a time.
Can you teach me how to fall in love. I'm afraid to fall in love, only to fall flat on my face. I don't want to have these one sided things that last a couple of days, weeks tops.
I'm tired of all this. Maybe I should lay back and watch things unfold. Take things a step at a time.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
What would..
What would the world be like if I was to sleep and never wake up.
What would happen if I was to confess to you before I breathe my last breath.
I'm having nightmares everyday. Everyday, I die in my sleep. I wake up to be relieved that I'm still breathing. Today, I dreamt that I died and was wondering in my spiritual form. It was scary. I felt everything. It seemed so real for a moment. Only to wake up and see the sun shining on my face. What would you feel if I was to die today. I'm dying.... Day by day, I lose confidence of myself. I feel disgusted of myself. I feel lousy everyday.
And today was not any better. When I saw you didn't reply me but you commented on someone else's post. My heart skipped a beat. I stopped breathing for a moment. Thoughts ran thru my mind in an instant. Everything to me, was black and white. You're on the plane right now going to a faraway place. Without a male by your family side, I can't help but worry about your safety. I know you'll be back in 10days. But it will feel like years before I get to see you again. I want to go to your house. I want to walk you home. I want everything that have got to do with you. )):
What would happen if I was to confess to you before I breathe my last breath.
I'm having nightmares everyday. Everyday, I die in my sleep. I wake up to be relieved that I'm still breathing. Today, I dreamt that I died and was wondering in my spiritual form. It was scary. I felt everything. It seemed so real for a moment. Only to wake up and see the sun shining on my face. What would you feel if I was to die today. I'm dying.... Day by day, I lose confidence of myself. I feel disgusted of myself. I feel lousy everyday.
And today was not any better. When I saw you didn't reply me but you commented on someone else's post. My heart skipped a beat. I stopped breathing for a moment. Thoughts ran thru my mind in an instant. Everything to me, was black and white. You're on the plane right now going to a faraway place. Without a male by your family side, I can't help but worry about your safety. I know you'll be back in 10days. But it will feel like years before I get to see you again. I want to go to your house. I want to walk you home. I want everything that have got to do with you. )):
Sunday, December 20, 2009
I'm so into the you.
If I am romeo, would you be my juliet.
I know it's impossible for us to be together. But the sight of you makes me so happy. It's been awhile since I last saw you. Receiving a gift from you plus walking you home is something, nothing that can be compared to. I'm not letting you know how I feel till I think it's the right time. But I think I kinda ruined things today by sending the last text of the night.
Was watching midnight show but my mind was occupied by lots of thoughts. Thoughts of you and thoughts of the past. I really want to know you well, treat you well and be the boulder that shelters you from rain and shine. I wanna be the rock solid foundation of the love that shall never die. K this part is kinda too much.
But I think I'm reading too much into things that might be just so simple and pure. The gift you gave me and the card you wrote. Might just be nothing, but a friendship thingy. ):
I really hope you would give me this chance to show you how much I am really into you. It's kinda stupid cos I've only truly known you for less than 2 years. I wanna stop falling for the wrong girls and I wanna concentrate on you. Time, I shall take to understand you more. It shall also witness how strong my love for you is. Hopefully, you're my Juliet.
I know it's impossible for us to be together. But the sight of you makes me so happy. It's been awhile since I last saw you. Receiving a gift from you plus walking you home is something, nothing that can be compared to. I'm not letting you know how I feel till I think it's the right time. But I think I kinda ruined things today by sending the last text of the night.
Was watching midnight show but my mind was occupied by lots of thoughts. Thoughts of you and thoughts of the past. I really want to know you well, treat you well and be the boulder that shelters you from rain and shine. I wanna be the rock solid foundation of the love that shall never die. K this part is kinda too much.
But I think I'm reading too much into things that might be just so simple and pure. The gift you gave me and the card you wrote. Might just be nothing, but a friendship thingy. ):
I really hope you would give me this chance to show you how much I am really into you. It's kinda stupid cos I've only truly known you for less than 2 years. I wanna stop falling for the wrong girls and I wanna concentrate on you. Time, I shall take to understand you more. It shall also witness how strong my love for you is. Hopefully, you're my Juliet.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Reincarnation
I was brought back to life today.
Was sleeping and I dreamt of something. Something so horrible that I was glad to be awake after only 6hours of sleep on a weekend. I usually sleep for a full 12 hours before waking up reluctantly.
K let me explain how my dream went.
I was out with Fabian and YongSheng to a cafe. But I don't know how, we got into the middle of a "war". There was gun shots, gunmen, screaming and lots of commotion in a short while. Then I don't know what happened but Fabian, monk and I got held by three gunmen. And I also don't know how, I got hold of a pistol. I hid it under the table and a gunmen sat down beside me and another one sat at the center of the table and the other sat with Fabian and monk. Then I got this chance to shoot at the two gunmen as their heads where in line for a double headshot. I shot them near range and killed them both. I tried to take out the third one but was too late. He shot me and my vision blurred. Fabian took care of the last gunman and I told them to make a run for it. They took something and ran for their live and mine was already half gone. So I was having mixed feelings...
K k fast forward. I had bullet holes in my head but I managed to go home and take a shower. ?? Weird right.. Then I came out and told my mom, who was sleeping, what happened and she told me to roll over and die. Even if I could live on, it would be smelly. Yes, smelly?? No clue either. Then my dad woke up and I told him I got shot but managed to survive..
His reply? So? I don't care. I went to my room immediately to write in my diary one last time before I died. Then I woke up, relieved. I brushed my teeth and went down to speak to my mom. I broke into tears all of a sudden and couldn't control. Just kept crying.. It's been awhile. ):
Was sleeping and I dreamt of something. Something so horrible that I was glad to be awake after only 6hours of sleep on a weekend. I usually sleep for a full 12 hours before waking up reluctantly.
K let me explain how my dream went.
I was out with Fabian and YongSheng to a cafe. But I don't know how, we got into the middle of a "war". There was gun shots, gunmen, screaming and lots of commotion in a short while. Then I don't know what happened but Fabian, monk and I got held by three gunmen. And I also don't know how, I got hold of a pistol. I hid it under the table and a gunmen sat down beside me and another one sat at the center of the table and the other sat with Fabian and monk. Then I got this chance to shoot at the two gunmen as their heads where in line for a double headshot. I shot them near range and killed them both. I tried to take out the third one but was too late. He shot me and my vision blurred. Fabian took care of the last gunman and I told them to make a run for it. They took something and ran for their live and mine was already half gone. So I was having mixed feelings...
K k fast forward. I had bullet holes in my head but I managed to go home and take a shower. ?? Weird right.. Then I came out and told my mom, who was sleeping, what happened and she told me to roll over and die. Even if I could live on, it would be smelly. Yes, smelly?? No clue either. Then my dad woke up and I told him I got shot but managed to survive..
His reply? So? I don't care. I went to my room immediately to write in my diary one last time before I died. Then I woke up, relieved. I brushed my teeth and went down to speak to my mom. I broke into tears all of a sudden and couldn't control. Just kept crying.. It's been awhile. ):
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